Surprise Package

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. “Hello there,” says the man, “and what is your name?”

“Hello,” giggles the woman, “I’m Stacey. What’s yours?”

“I’m Jim.”

“Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??”

“Sure!” replies Jim, “Let’s go!”

So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey’s desk. “Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk,” Jim says.

“Yes? And what about it?” asks Stacey.

“Is it your brother?”

“No, it isn’t, Jim!” Stacey giggles. Jim’s eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey’s husband.

When he finally asks, “Is it your husband?”

Stacey giggles even more, “No, silly!” Jim was relieved.

“Then, it must be your boyfriend!”

Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim’s ear. She says, “No, silly!!”

“Then, who is it?” Jim asks.

Stacey replies, “That’s me BEFORE my operation!!”

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time… I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
5. When people say, while watching a film, “Did you see that?”. No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”… Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?
7. When something is “new and improved!”… Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn’t be new.
8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that’s longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-ass?

😊😊😊

Best joke to tell a girl

Why don’t scientists ever trust atoms?

Because they make up everything, just like when I said I didn’t notice your beautiful smile right away!