Difference between a tea bag and the English cricket team

Q: What’s the difference between a tea bag and the English cricket team?

A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What sort of coach

The eager young batsman had just scored yet another duck and was apologising to the captain.

‘I think I could do with some advice. What sort of coach would you recommend?’

‘A long distance one.’

You’re always playing

George spent every Sunday playing cricket. It finally got too much for his wife , who exploded, ‘Cricket! All you ever think about is cricket! I think I’d drop dead if you stayed home on Sunday!’

‘Now then, dear,’ said George. ‘It’s no use trying to bribe me.’

Blonde Girlfriend

The cricketer was talking to his dumb blonde girl friend.

‘Have you heard of W. G. Grace?’

‘Heard of him? I had lunch with him the other day.’

‘Don’t be silly. He’s been dead for seventy years.’

‘I thought he was quiet’

How I do it?

The batsman had a large opinion of his prowess.

He was approached by a club member who couldn’t resist saying to him, ‘You know, whenever I watch you bat, I always wonder…’

‘I know, I know. How I do it.’

‘No. Why you do it.’

Do it this way

The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn’t hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat.

‘Now bowl me some fast ones!’ he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off he glared at the team and shouted,

‘Now that’s what you’re all doing. Get in there and hit them!’

Out first ball

In a country town match, the batsman was out first ball. ‘Not like last week,’ said the wicket-keeper.

‘No,’ said the batsman. ‘Last week I stayed in and got forty and when I got back all the beer was gone!’

How is she doing

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he dialed the number for Lord’s.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“Fine,” came the answer, “We’ve got two out already and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.

A good catch?

A friend asked George, “Tell me, is your daughter’s fiancée a good catch?”

“Good catch?” answered George. “Dammit, he’s the best fielder we’ve got in the side!”

You were bold

In a calmer moment, George and his wife were sitting at home. George was as usual reading some bowling averages.

“Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?” said she romantically.

“You were bold.”

“No I wasn’t,” muttered George, “I was LBW!”

Six hit

Jones had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground.

‘Thank goodness they got rid of it,’ she sighed. ‘Now we can all go home.’

Championship decider

It was an exciting match and the championship hinged on the result. George was tensely poised on the edge of his seat watching every move.
His ever-patient wife asked him, ‘George, What’s all the fuss about? I thought they decided who were the champions last year!’

That’s my mother in law

The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said ‘I’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ said the wicket-keeper. ‘You’ll never hit her at a hundred yards. 🏏

Over

The cricket fan had dragged his wife and child along to the ground to watch the local side. He watched with interest, but they were plainly bored and shifted uncomfortably in their seats. The child brightened and turned to the mother.

‘They just shouted ‘Over’, she said.

‘I know.’ replied her mother, wearily, ‘but don’t take any notice. It goes on and on and on.’

You’ve seen worse?

The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, ‘Well, I expect you’ve seen worse players.’

Silence….

First slip added ‘he said I expect you’ve seen worse players.’

‘I heard him the first time. I was just trying to think.’

The Batsman’s Diet

A batsman visited a nutritionist.
The nutritionist advised, “Eat more greens.”
The batsman responded, “I’ve been trying, but the fielders keep catching them!”

Run Out of Options

Two batsmen were at a restaurant.
One said, “I’m having the chicken run.”
The other replied, “As long as it’s not a run out!”

Stumped by Fashion

A cricket stumps manufacturer opened a fashion store.
A customer asked, “Why sell clothes?”
The owner replied, “Because every outfit here is a hit!”

The Fielder’s Folly

“Why did the cricket fielder go to school?”
His coach said, “To improve his catching skills!”
The fielder responded, “Actually, I just wanted to catch a break.”

Bowler’s Dilemma

A fast bowler went to a bakery.
The baker asked, “What would you like?”
The bowler replied, “Some buns, but please don’t serve them with a flat pitch!”

Cricket In The Heaven

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.

Two friends John and Dave were two huge cricket fans. Their entire lives, John and Dave talked cricket . They went to 60 games a year.

They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was cricket in heaven.

One night, John passed away in his sleep after watching the British victory earlier in the evening. He died happy.

A few nights later, his buddy Dave awoke to the sound of John’s voice from beyond.

“John is that you?” Dave asked.

“Yes, it’s me,” John replied.

“This is unbelievable” Dave exclaimed. ” So tell me, is there cricket in heaven?”

“Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”

“Tell me the good news first.”

“Well, the good news is that yes there is cricket in heaven.”

“Oh, that is wonderful, So what is the bad news?”

“You’re opener tomorrow morning .”

Funny Cricket Jokes for Cricket Fans of All Ages

Cricket jokes are funny lines or stories about the game of cricket, its players, and the situations that happen in the game. They often make fun of how long a cricket match can last, the rules that can seem complicated, or playful teasing between fans of different teams. For example, a joke might ask, “Why did the cricket team go to the bakery?” The answer is, “Because they needed a good batter!” Another joke could be about a cricket fan who says, “I spent a week watching cricket, and it was just the first over!” These jokes are meant to be light-hearted and make people smile, especially those who know and love the game of cricket. They use simple and funny ideas about playing and watching cricket.

Here are some Cricket jokes that some people find funny:

Difference between a tea bag and the English ...