Cricket Jokes

Q: What’s the difference between a tea bag and the English cricket team?

A: A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

The eager young batsman had just scored yet another duck and was apologising to the captain.

‘I think I could do with some advice. What sort of coach would you recommend?’

‘A long distance one.’

George spent every Sunday playing cricket. It finally got too much for his wife , who exploded, ‘Cricket! All you ever think about is cricket! I think I’d drop dead if you stayed home on Sunday!’

‘Now then, dear,’ said George. ‘It’s no use trying to bribe me.’

The cricketer was talking to his dumb blonde girl friend.

‘Have you heard of W. G. Grace?’

‘Heard of him? I had lunch with him the other day.’

‘Don’t be silly. He’s been dead for seventy years.’

‘I thought he was quiet’

The batsman had a large opinion of his prowess.

He was approached by a club member who couldn’t resist saying to him, ‘You know, whenever I watch you bat, I always wonder…’

‘I know, I know. How I do it.’

‘No. Why you do it.’

The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn’t hit a thing. Finally, the captain rushed forward and grabbed the bat.

‘Now bowl me some fast ones!’ he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the captain missed them all. Not to be put off he glared at the team and shouted,

‘Now that’s what you’re all doing. Get in there and hit them!’

In a country town match, the batsman was out first ball. ‘Not like last week,’ said the wicket-keeper.

‘No,’ said the batsman. ‘Last week I stayed in and got forty and when I got back all the beer was gone!’

An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he dialed the number for Lord’s.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“Fine,” came the answer, “We’ve got two out already and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.

A friend asked George, “Tell me, is your daughter’s fiancée a good catch?”

“Good catch?” answered George. “Dammit, he’s the best fielder we’ve got in the side!”

In a calmer moment, George and his wife were sitting at home. George was as usual reading some bowling averages.

“Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?” said she romantically.

“You were bold.”

“No I wasn’t,” muttered George, “I was LBW!”

Jones had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground.

‘Thank goodness they got rid of it,’ she sighed. ‘Now we can all go home.’

It was an exciting match and the championship hinged on the result. George was tensely poised on the edge of his seat watching every move.
His ever-patient wife asked him, ‘George, What’s all the fuss about? I thought they decided who were the champions last year!’

The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said ‘I’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ said the wicket-keeper. ‘You’ll never hit her at a hundred yards. 🏏

The cricket fan had dragged his wife and child along to the ground to watch the local side. He watched with interest, but they were plainly bored and shifted uncomfortably in their seats. The child brightened and turned to the mother.

‘They just shouted ‘Over’, she said.

‘I know.’ replied her mother, wearily, ‘but don’t take any notice. It goes on and on and on.’

You’ve seen worse?

The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, ‘Well, I expect you’ve seen worse players.’

Silence….

First slip added ‘he said I expect you’ve seen worse players.’

‘I heard him the first time. I was just trying to think.’

A batsman visited a nutritionist.
The nutritionist advised, “Eat more greens.”
The batsman responded, “I’ve been trying, but the fielders keep catching them!”

Two batsmen were at a restaurant.
One said, “I’m having the chicken run.”
The other replied, “As long as it’s not a run out!”

A cricket stumps manufacturer opened a fashion store.
A customer asked, “Why sell clothes?”
The owner replied, “Because every outfit here is a hit!”

“Why did the cricket fielder go to school?”
His coach said, “To improve his catching skills!”
The fielder responded, “Actually, I just wanted to catch a break.”

A fast bowler went to a bakery.
The baker asked, “What would you like?”
The bowler replied, “Some buns, but please don’t serve them with a flat pitch!”