10 Notes on Dieting

  1. If you eat something but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  2. Drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
  3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.
  4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, e.g., hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.
  5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you appear thinner.
  6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel, e.g., Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.
  7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
  8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
  9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons has no calories, e.g., peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.
  10. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples include spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms, and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.
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Hilarious Food Puns That Will Whet Your Appetite for Laughter!

Food jokes are funny lines or stories that play with the names, characteristics, or situations involving food. For example, a joke might ask, “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?” The answer is, “Nacho cheese!” Another joke could be, “Why did the tomato turn red?” with the punchline being, “Because it saw the salad dressing.” These jokes are meant to be light-hearted and fun, using simple ideas about food and eating to make people laugh. They’re great for sharing at meal times or whenever you want to add a bit of humor to conversations about food.

Here are some of the best jokes about food:

Top Jokes