Bob Marley Zingers
Q: Why did Bob Marley refuse to drink tea?
A: He said it was always “stirring it up.”
Violin Jokes
Why don’t violins get invited to summer parties?
Because they always bring their own strings attached!
What’s a violin’s favorite type of story?
A fiddle-faddle tale!
Why did the violin go to therapy?
It had too many bowed emotions!
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
The amount of beer that gets spilled on them!
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case!
What do you call a violin that never listens to its teacher?
A viola-tor of rules!
Why was the violin a great musician?
Because it always knew the score!
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
Because he was Haydn!
Why was the violin always picked last in gym class?
It could never catch a tune!
What’s a violin’s favorite type of joke?
A bow-lly good one!
Why did the violin go to jail?
Because it was caught playing high notes on the roof!
Why don’t violins like to go to school?
Because they prefer to be home-schooled!
Why was the violin good at math?
Because it always counted its rests!
What do you call a violin with a bad attitude?
A fiddle fit!
Why was the violin always late?
It was too busy fiddling around!
Why did the violin get in trouble at school?
It couldn’t keep its notes straight!
Why did the violin go to the bar?
To have a few bow shots!
What’s a violin’s favorite part of a song?
The “string” section!
Why was the violin a great diplomat?
Because it could always find a way to strike a chord!
Why did the violin go on a diet?
It was tired of its “waist” line!
Bass Instincts
How do you make a double bass sound in tune?
Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.
Treble Ahead
Why did the music note go to school?
Because it wanted to improve its compositions.
Drummer’s Time
How do you know a drummer is at your door?
The knocking speeds up and he doesn’t know when to come in.
The Pianist’s Dilemma
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
C Major Problem
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
Because he was Haydn.
Drummer problems
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”
