Dad Jokes

“My dog has no nose!
“How does he smell?”
“Awful!”

Dad: “How are your grades, son?”
Son: “They’re underwater, Dad.”
Dad: “What do you mean, underwater?”
Son: “They’re below C level”

Why did the shorts get promoted?

Because they were outstanding in their field!

Why did the tomato turn red in the kitchen?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

Why don’t chefs ever play hide and seek?

Because good luck hiding when the timer’s going off!

Why don’t we ever put candles on a dad’s birthday cake? Because there’s not enough room to fit “a grillion” candles!

What did the dad say to his son on his birthday? “You know you’re getting old when the candles start costing more than the cake!”

Why did the dad get a ladder for his birthday? Because he thought he could finally get over his midlife crisis!

What do you call a father who only makes jokes on his birthday? “A birthdaddy joker!”

Why don’t dads ever play hide and seek on their birthdays? Because good luck hiding when the candles on your cake can be seen from space!

Why did the dad put his birthday cake in the freezer? He wanted to have an “ice” birthday for once!

Why did the father bring a pencil to his birthday party? He wanted to “draw” attention to the fact it’s his birthday!

What did the dad say after he blew out his birthday candles? “Well, at least the fire alarm works!”

Why did the dad get a belt for his birthday? He said it was his party and he could “waist” time if he wanted to!

What does a dad do when he reaches a certain age? He starts to lose his “birth day” and “birth night”!

Why did the dad bring a baseball glove to his birthday party? He said he didn’t want any of the “presents” to get past him!

What’s a dad’s favorite type of birthday music? “Pop” music!

What’s a dad’s favorite part of his birthday? Blowing out the candles… because it’s his one chance to hold a “fire” party!

Why was the dad’s birthday cake as big as a shoe? Because he wanted to “sneak-er” a bigger slice!

What’s a dad’s favorite birthday dessert? Ice cream, because it’s never too “cool” to have on your birthday!

Q: How does a penguin build its house?
A: Igloos it together.

Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?
A: It was two-tired.

Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything!

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything! Even lost dogs.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry, of course!

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved!

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts… or the muscles… or the shoes!

How do you make a sandwich disappear?

Just ask your dad to make it!

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

‘Dad I’m hungry’ … ‘Hi hungry I’m dad’.

Dad asks the nearest sales assistant: ‘Hello! Have you seen my daughter? She works in men’s pants.’

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!