Fishing Jokes

Q: Why don’t fish play basketball?

A: Because they’re afraid of the net!

A wise fisherman went fishing by the lake every morning.
One day, he caught a fish that begged for its life, promising to grant him three wishes if he spared it.
The fisherman pondered for a moment and then replied, “I appreciate the offer, but I’m not sure what to wish for.”
The fish replied, “Well, think carefully, because once you let me go, your wishes will be gone.”
The fisherman thought for a while and finally said, “Alright, I wish for all the fish in this lake to be as wise as you.”
The fish smiled and granted his wish before swimming away.
As the fisherman returned home empty-handed, his friend asked, “Did you catch anything today?”
With a grin, the fisherman replied, “No, but I’ve ensured a lifetime of wise decisions by the fish in that lake!” 🐟🐟🐟

The fisherman caught a big fish and returned it to the lake. Shortly after, he caught a smaller one and took it with him. A man saw him and asked:
“Why did you return the bigger fish to the lake but take the smaller one?”
The fisherman said:
“Well, the smaller one fits in my pan.” 🐟🍳

Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.
Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble.
Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it.
Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared.
The genie said ” I will grant you one wish.” Tony thought for a second and said ” I wish this whole lake was beer.”
Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said ” You asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.”

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.

“mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” is the reply.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm,” the successful fisherman repeats.

“I’m sorry, I still didn’t understand you.” The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly,

“You’ve got to keep your worms warm.”

A young boy came to Sunday School late.

His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?

The boy replied, “Yes he did. Dad said he didn’t have enough bait for both of us.”

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.

Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.

In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.

You can catch and release a fish. You don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.

You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.

Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn’t had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favorite flies out of their box.

Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.

The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.

The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.

With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.

Confused the angel asked God, “Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson.”

God replied “I did. Who do you think he’s going to tell?”