Food Jokes

“What do snails taste like?”
“I don’t know! Why do you ask?”
“Because you just ate one that was in the salad!”

1. If you eat something but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. Drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count, e.g., hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you appear thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel, e.g., Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons has no calories, e.g., peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.
10. Foods of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples include spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms, and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

What is red and goes up and down?
A tomato in an elevator! 🍅

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere! ️

Q: What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well!

Q: Why did the bread break up with the butter?
A: It felt they were always spread too thin!

Q: Why did the toaster join a band?
A: Because it could really “jam”!

Why did the salt get in trouble at school?
It kept pouring on the sass!

What did the sea say to the salt?
Stop seasoning me!

Why did the pepper tell the salt to stop being so moody?
Because it was too salty!

How does the ocean greet the salt?
With a salty wave!

Why did the salt go to the doctor?
It had high sodium pressure!

What do you call a baby potato?
A tater tot!

Why did the potato go to the party?
Because it was a mashed hit!

How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling mad!

Why did the ketchup turn red?
It saw the salad dressing!

What did one tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
“You go ahead, I’ll ketchup!”

Why did the ketchup go to school?
To become a little saucier!