Yo Mamma Jokes

Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow when she spits she spits butter.

Your momma is so poor she bought a T.V. with two channels….on and off.

Your mom so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma is so stupid she failed a blood test.

Your mama is so fat she plays pool with the planets.

Your momma’s so poor she can’t even pay attention!

Your mama is so stupid that she got ran over by a parked car.

Your mama is so old when she farts dust comes out.

Yo momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

our mama is so stupid that she triped over a cordless phone.

Yo mama is so fat she cant jump to conclusions.

Yo mama is so dumb she seen a yellow school bus and said stop the banana.

Yo mamma’s behind is so fat when she sits down she sits down she’s 3 feet taller.

Yo mama is so skinny she uses a donut as a life saver!

Yo momma is so stupid, she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo mamma is so stupid she thought taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid she hears it’s chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M;’s in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you “What is the number for 911”.

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put “O.K.”

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, “Sex?”, she marked, “M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under “Education” on her job application, she put “Hooked on Phonics.

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid she couldn’t read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid she thought the Nazis were saying “Hi! Hitler”.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus .

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper.

Yo momma so stupid She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said “Disneyworld Left” so she went home.

Yo mama’s so big, fat, and clumsy when she tried to get to Wal-Mart she stumbled over K-Mart and landed right on Target.

Your mama’s teeth are so yellow that when she smiled at a bunch of Formula 1 race car drivers, they all thought it was a caution sign and pulled over.

Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo mama’s so fat her belt size is the equator!
Yo mama is so fat she doesen’t use a fork she uses a forklift.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven, and the devil said there was no room in hell.
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo Mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone.
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo mama so fat her nickname is “Lardo”.
Yo mama so fat God told her he had no room in heaven, and the devil said there was no room in hell.
Yo Mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat we’re in her right now.
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.
Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her.
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and people run around yelling “Free Willy!”
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat when she wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
Yo mama so fat when she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “Okay!”
Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”

Yo mamma so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with an application!

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.

” Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Damn, is it Halloween already?”.

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours for a quote!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life.

Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Your mama’s so ugly when she was born there was a brawl in the dilivery room about who got to slap her first!

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo momma so ugly your dad’s breath smells like shit because he would rather kiss her ass.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

YO MOMMA’S SO NASTY…

she hasta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh. 

she brings crabs TO the beach.

she pours salt water in her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

she made Speed Stick slow down.

she made the right guard turn left.

the fishery pay here to leave.

her shit is glad to escape.

Ozzie Ozboure refused to bite her head off.

my brother called her for phone sex and she gave him an ear infection.

Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

Yo momma got two wooden legs and one is one backward.

Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.

Yo momma got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

Yo momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns.

Yo momma got a’ afro, wit’ a chin strap!

Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches.

Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.

YO MOMMA’S SO DUMB…

she thought an “E” on your report card meant excellent and an “F” meant fantastic! 

she thinks 2+2=22

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she tried to M&M;’s in alphabetical order.

she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

she thought General Motors was in the army.

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

under “education” on her jop application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

she tried to drown a fish.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice container because it said “Concentrate.”

she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

she told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

they had to burn the school down to get her outta 3rd grade.

at the bottom of the applicatione where it says “sign here”, she wrote “Sagittarius.”

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

it takes her two hours to watch “60 minutes.”

if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.

she studied for a blood test – and failed.

she thought she needed proper change to get on the “Soul Train.”

she sold her car for gas money.

when she saw the “NC-17, under 17 not admitted”, she went home and got 16 friends.

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

I said it was chilly outside and she went to get a bowl.

she crashed (her car) into a parked car.

she told everyone she was “illegitiment” because she couldn’t read.

she puts lipstick on her head to make up her mind.

she bought a solor-powered flashlight.

she took a cup when she went to see Juice.

she asked me wha number for 911 was.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

when she read on her job application “DO NOT WRITE BELOW THE DOTTED LINE,” she wrote, “O.K.”

she stole free bread.

she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

she called Dan Quayle for a spell check (?)

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

she makes Beavis and Butthead look like Nobel Prize winners.

when asked on an application, “Sex?” she marked, “M, F, and sometimes wednesday, too.”

when you stand next to her, you can hear the ocean.

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hambuger at McDonald’s.

she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

she bought a videocamera to record cable TV shows at home.

she jumped out of a window and went up.

she took an umbrella to see “Purple Rain”

she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.

YO MOMMA LIKE…

potato chips–Fri-to Lay.

a screen door, after a couple bangs, she tends to loosen up.

the pillsbury doughboy – everyone gets a poke.

a doorknob, everybody gets a turn.

a bus, 50 cents and she ready to ride.

a golf course, everyone gets a hole in one.

the railway system, she gets laid all over the country.

a tomato sauce bottle, everyone get a squeeze outta her.

a shotgun, one cock and she blows.

a hardware store, 4 cents a screw.

a Dimino’s pizza, somethin’ for nothin’.

a refrigerador, everyone likes to put their meat in her.

cake mix, 15 servings per package.

a rifle, four cocks and she’s full.

a bowoling ball, she picked up, fingered, then thrown in the gutter.

a bus, guys climb on and off her all day.

a Toyota, “Oh, what a feelin’!”

Orange Crush crush, “Good vibrations.”

a bubble-gum machine, 25 cents a blow.

chinese food, sweet sour, and cheap.

a vacuum cleaner, a real good suck.